Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Just high enough for therapy.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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