This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
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