Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
