I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I am spending my child support on dildos
he shaved USA in his pubs
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
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