you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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