idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
