My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
