where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
