sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
