8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
he fucked my hip out of place.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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