wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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