I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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