There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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