It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Randomize
