I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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