I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
