Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
