I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
