it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Randomize
