It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
