He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
