Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
