More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
