Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
