good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
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