i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
My penis needs a shock collar
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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