I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Randomize
