It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
