he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
