it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
