this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
