I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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