is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I met the friendliest cop last night
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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