My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
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