Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
