my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
