I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
