Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
