this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Randomize
