i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
