seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
