Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
