morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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