I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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