just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
