I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
