pop tarts are not kleenex
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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