Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Randomize
