Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
