please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
