yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
