There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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