my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
