And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
