I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
