So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
