She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Randomize
