I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
