I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
