Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
