i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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