The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
